The Chosen Path

I have, over 49 years, walked many paths.

And I have, over 49 years, left the path more than once to wander around, aimlessly, in the woods.  For the last few years, my feelings of being unfulfilled became more unsettling and my thoughts of how much time I had wasted were becoming more of a a quilt trip than any kind of motivation.

Last year, I had an epiphany! Well, it was an epiphany for me any way. I realized that, as long as I kept doing what I was doing, I was just going to keep feeling the way I was feeling. Now, understand, I have had that thought before. But, this time was different, because I didn’t just haul off and move somewhere new, get a new job, or dye my hair thinking that any of that was the way to “re-invent” myself. This time, I looked really hard at exactly was happening (and not happening) in my life and traced the causes back to the responsible party….yep, it was me. Imagine that. But, not any one thing. It was my ability to rationalize and excuse most anyone’s flaws and shortcomings except my own, of course, it was my looking at others for my self-worth, it was over-compensating for low self-esteem, and it was all the little, daily, habits that come with that mindset. It was those habits that formed the mortar for my fortress of chaos and denial. To begin with, I was eating for comfort and I was sleeping far too much for someone to ever be as tired as I always was. Those two factors combined to give me apt reason to avoid any real physical activity that would help my condition (see ABOUT section), no motivation to take care of my appearance, and no true feelings of self-love to inspire doing anything to feel better.

I was a tad shocked. Could it be that easy? If I attacked the foundation, can I bring down the fortress of misery with walls fortified by my repeated Kamikaze behavior?

Photo is not my creation and credited to Muriel Blanc, whose name appears on it, but whom I could not contact.IMG_3551088438280

The answer was a resounding “YES”! Not as simple as that, but as simple as that. So, little by little, I am changing my diet and eating habits, through meditation I am learning to calm and focus the thoughts and feelings, I am using yoga to regain my physical abilities, I am using vitamins and supplements to replace medications and reinforce my diet, and I am learning to love myself, through the love of my family and a lot of help from people who have been in my shoes!

Now that I have a bit of sure footing under me, I am inviting you to share in my journey.

Chris

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5 Replies to “The Chosen Path”

  1. There are so many parallels in this post as to my own life. I’m glad you’ve found it within you to make the changes…I’m still trying, but I still have hope.

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    1. Thank you!
      Do not give up hope; making changes is not an overnight accomplishment!
      I have only just poked the tip of the iceberg of a lifetime of negative thoughts, misled beliefs based on the beliefs, perceptions, and opinions of others, and a self-sabotaging mindset that comes from all those things being embedded so deep that they were who I was and what I did.
      It is NEVER too late to realize or, simply, decide you have not been the person you are truly meant to be. But, know that it has to be a desire and decision that you believe you deserve; for that is the only thing that will give you the passion and strength to destroy all the illusions and misunderstandings that are at the foundation of why you are as you are and do as you do. All those negative thoughts and doubts, for as unwanted as they are, they are familiar and familiar is what we mistake as “safe”.

      Know this- YOU are special and unique. You are the only person just like you, in the whole world. You are the only you that has ever been or ever will be. There is a reason for that, trust me. It may be far down your path before you know the reason, but you have to trust that there is and, when you do find it, you will know it. You will feel it deeper and more pure than any other feeling or knowledge you have ever had, before.

      I’m here, if you ever need to talk.
      Chris

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That is incredibly kind of you, Chris. I love the empowering words of encouragement, and I always feel good when someone offers words like these. I am on a process of change, and I am glad when my low days (like today) I have someone say something so encouraging. Thank you. ❤

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