May 4th, 2017
My daughter bought me a brand new journal. Actually, a blank “book” that could be used for anything. She gifted it to me, 2 days ago, along with a bunch of random stickers.
“Here, Mom,”, she said, “thought this might help on your new journey.”
My heart melted. My girl, who isn’t a girl, anymore, but a 28 year old dynamo, is one of the most wonderfully supportive and inspiring people that I so am blessed to have in my life!
So, you notice that I mentioned she gave this to me 2 days ago, right? Yeah….it has been sitting on my desk; its glorious white and tan pages acting like an empty canvas just awaiting my wonderful creation. And for me to mess it up.
I hadn’t touched it because I didn’t want to do something to it that I would regret later; like cover it in shaky lined rainbows and happy faces. While that is cute and appropriate for some personalities, the majority of the time I am, definitely not a rainbow person. But, I have learned from experience not to be rash in my actions with stuff like that because my perspective and what I may be feeling at any given moment, may be me just “playing dress up” as I call it. Did you ever dress up in your Mom’s clothes? Or put on an outrageous hat or something, just because it was the mood you were in? well, I some-times do that with my personality.
I know it may sound strange, but hear (or read) me out. I do not see it as any kind of disorder or emotional/psychological cry for help. Rather, I choose to see it as my being multifaceted!
There are parts of me that are still a kid who enjoys coloring books and crayons, a daredevil who wants to ride fast and upside down carnival rides, a flower-child who loves the feel of a peasant skirt, wooden beads, and just wants to sit on the beach or under a tree all day, a rebel who wants to throw on my leather jacket on hop on the motorcycle, and a got-it-together modern woman in a silk shirt, skirt, and heels. As you can imagine, my closet looks like I have 4 or 5 roommates. I always wondered what a CSI or Behavior Analysis Team would think were I ever a murder victim. What would my “stuff” tell them about me?
Anyway, I digress. Back to the journal! So, now that you have glimpsed a few of my other sides, you can understand my hesitance to simply just start going at claiming and marking/decorating the journal as my own with some theme or another that, tomorrow, I would regret.
So, what to choose? How to choose? Go with the side of me that is predominant or with the side of me that is happier and more positive (working towards that being one and the same, thank you)?
This is what I did-
It is simple and neutral. But, what you can’t really see, in the pic, is that the little sticker, in the center says “FOLLOW YOUR HEART”. I have decide that it is perfect! Whatever mood, facet, or personality is influencing what I write, at any given time, it is all okay and appropriate, as long as I am being true to myself.
I know that is a good rule to live by no matter what the circumstances. If only it were as easy to do so and as welcomed, out in the real world, as it is in the safe and secure pages of my journal.